Tuesday, February 10, 2009

2008 Leaman Awards: Top 25 Quotes (Web Edition)

Its a long post, but I thought I would reproduce it at least for completeness sake. Besides, there are truly some gems tucked in there, and its a pretty fun read. Massive thanks goes out to Imdb.com for the help with most (not all) of the quotes. Any great ones that didnt make my list? Enjoy!

Good Quotes, But Not Quite Top 25


Step Brothers
Dale Doback: [after hearing Brennan sing] You have the voice of an angel. I mean, it's like Fergie meets Jesus.

Speed Racer
Trixie: Oh my god, was that a ninja? Pops Racer: More like a "non"-ja. Terrible what passes for a ninja these days.

Tropic Thunder
Kevin Sandusky: There's no way we make it over that ridge before sundown.
Kirk Lazarus: All right fellas, we're gonna make camp, rest up. Y'all might be in for a treat. You know back before the war broke out I was a saucier in San Antone. I bet I could collar up some of them greens, yeah, some crawfish out the paddy, yo'! Ha! I'm makin' some crabapples for dessert now, yo! Hell yeah, ha!
Alpa Chino: [mocking Kirk] Hell yeah! Ha! That's how we all talk? We all talk like dis, "suh"? Yes suh, ha! Yeah mmm-hmm get some crawfish, and some ribs, ha! Ye-aah. You're Australian! Be Australian! Excuse me, Kangaroo Jack! [hops away like a kangaroo]
Kirk Lazarus: [confused] I get excited about my foods, man.



25. Funny Games
Anna: Why don't you just kill us?
Peter: [smiling] You shouldn't forget the importance of entertainment.

24. Role Models
Gayle Sweeny: Why don't you lay out two lines of your selfishness, which is your blow, draw the shades, take the phone off the hook, grab a straw, and snort!

23. In Bruges
Ken: Your girlfriend's very pretty.
Jimmy: She's ain't my girlfriend. She's a prostitute I just picked up.
Ken: I was not aware that there were any prostitutes in Bruges.
Jimmy: You just have to look in the right places... brothels are good.

22. The Pineapple Express
Red: Why don't you follow his lead and just chill out, man?
Dale Denton: I'm chill. I'm chill as a cucumber, man.
Red: You don't seem chill.
Dale Denton: I'm more chill than you.
Red: You're more chill than me?
Dale Denton: Yeah.
Red: Look what I'm wearing. Kimono, dog. What're you wearing?
Dale Denton: A suit.
Red: Yeah, exactly.

21. Baby Mama
Kate Holbrook: Did you just stick your gum under my coffee table?
Angie Ostrowiski: I don't know.
Kate Holbrook: What do you mean you don't know? You think you're at an Arbys right now? Angie Ostrowiski: You know what? I WISH I was at an Arbys cuz theres better food and cooler people there!
Kate Holbrook: [Kate looks under coffee table and gasps then looks at Angie] Did you stick all this gum under here?
Angie Ostrowiski: I DON'T KNOW! Maybe you stuck some of it under there!
Kate Holbrook: Yeah, actually you might be right cuz sometimes when I work a really long day I like to come home and chew a huge wad of bubbilicious gum and stick it under my reclaimed barnwood coffee table!
Angie Ostrowiski: I don't know your life!



20. Journey to the Center of the Earth
Sean: [running from a dinosaur] Haven't you ever seen a dinosaur before?
Trevor: Not with skin on it!

19. Baby Mama
Barry: Congratulations, Kate. I want to reward you with five minutes of uninterrupted eye contact.

18. Doubt
Mrs. Miller: Sister, I don't know if you and me on the same side. I'll be standing with my son and those who are good with my son. It'd be nice to see you there.

17. Valkyrie
Henning von Tresckow: God promised Abraham that he would not destroy Sodom if he could find ten righteous men... I have a feeling that for Germany it may come down to one.

16. Kung Fu Panda
Tigress: It is said that the Dragon Warrior can go for months without eating, surviving on the dew of a single ginko leaf and the energy of the universe.
Po: Then I guess my body doesn't know I'm the Dragon Warrior yet. It's gonna take a lot more than dew, and, uh, universe juice.

15. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
Surfing Instructor: If you get bitten by a shark, you're not just gonna give up surfing, are you? Peter Bretter: Yeah, probably.

14. Rambo
Burnett: Let me explain our situation - our church is part of a Pan-Asian ministry, located in Colorado. We are all volunteers, who around this time of year bring in medical supplies, medical attention, prayer books, and support to the Karen tribes people. People say you know the river better than anyone.
John J. Rambo: They ain't lying.
Burnett: So what I'm asking is that we compensate you for a few hours of your time that will help change people's lives.
John J. Rambo: Are you bringing any weapons?
Burnett: Of course not.
John J. Rambo: You're not changing anything.

13. The Dark Knight
The Joker: You and your kind, all you care about is money. This city deserves a better class of criminal. And I'm gonna give it to them!



12. In Bruges
Ken: Coming up?
Ray: What's up there?
Ken: The view.
Ray: The view of what? The view of down here? I can see that down here.
Ken: Ray, you are about the worst tourist in the whole world.
Ray: Ken, I grew up in Dublin. I love Dublin. If I grew up on a farm, and was retarded, Bruges might impress me but I didn't, so it doesn't.

11. The Dark Knight
Alfred Pennyworth: A long time ago, I was in Burma, my friends and I were working for the local government. They were trying to buy the loyalty of tribal leaders by bribing them with precious stones. But their caravans were being raided in a forest north of Rangoon by a bandit. So we went looking for the stones. But in six months, we never found anyone who traded with him. One day I saw a child playing with a ruby the size of a tangerine. The bandit had been throwing them away.
Bruce Wayne: Then why steal them?
Alfred Pennyworth: Because he thought it was good sport. Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn.
(Later in the Film)
Bruce Wayne: The bandit in Burma, did you catch him?
Alfred Pennyworth: Yes.
Bruce Wayne: How?
Alfred Pennyworth: We burned the forest down.

10. Semi-Pro
Jackie Moon: Everybody panic! Oh my God, there's a bear loose in the coliseum! There will be no refunds! Your refund will be escaping this deathtrap with your life! If you have a small child, use it as a shield! They love the tender meat! Cover your sodas! Dewie loves sugar!

9. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Indiana Jones: Brutal couple of years, huh, Charlie? First Dad, then Marcus.
Dean Charles Stanforth: We seem to have reached the age where life stops giving us things and starts taking them away.



8. Role Models
Gayle Sweeny: You know what I used to have for breakfast? Cocaine. Know what I had for lunch? Cocaine.
Wheeler: What did you have for dinner?
Danny: Was it cocaine?

7. Doubt
Father Brendan Flynn: You have no right to act on your own! You have taken vows, obedience being one! You answer to us! You have no right to step outside the church!
Sister Aloysius Beauvier: I will step outside the church if that's what needs to be done, till the door should shut behind me! I will do what needs to be done, though I'm damned to Hell! You should understand that, or you will mistake me.

6. The Dark Knight
The Joker: We really should stop this fighting, otherwise we’ll miss the fireworks.
Batman: There won’t be any fireworks.
The Joker: And here we go…[Joker waits for an explosion that doesn’t happen]
Batman: What were you trying to prove? That deep down everyone’s as ugly as you? Your alone.
The Joker: Can’t rely on anyone these days. You gotta do everything yourself. Don’t we? That’s okay. I came prepared. It’s a funny world we live in. Speaking of which, you know how I got these scars?
Batman: No, but I know how you got these. [Joker is hit with a projectile and thrown off the building]
The Joker: [after Batman "saves" him from falling] Oh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible, aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness and I won't kill you because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.
Batman: You'll be in a padded cell forever.
The Joker: Maybe we can share one. They'll be doubling up, the rate this city's inhabitants are losing their minds.
Batman: This city just shown you that it's full of people ready to believe in good.
The Joker: Until their spirit breaks completely. Until they get a good look at the real Harvey Dent, and all the heroic things he's done. You didn't think I'd risk losing the battle over Gotham's soul in a fistfight with you? No. You need an ace in the hole. Mine's Harvey.
Batman: What did you do?
The Joker: I took Gotham's white knight and I brought him down our level. It wasn't hard. You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push! [the Joker laughs non-stop as Batman walks away and the cops come to arrest him]

5. Tropic Thunder
Kirk Lazarus: Everybody knows you never go full retard.
Tugg Speedman: What do you mean?
Kirk Lazarus: Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho'. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump.' Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. Peter Sellers, "Being There." Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, "I Am Sam." Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed...

4. Kung Fu Panda
Tai Lung: The Wuxi finger hold!
Po: Oh, you know this hold?
Tai Lung: You're bluffing. You're bluffing! Shifu didn't teach you that.
Po: Nope. I figured it out. Skadoosh!



3. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Marion Ravenwood: I'm sure I wasn't the only one to go on with my life. There must have been plenty of women for you over the years.
Indiana Jones: There were a few. But they all had the same problem.
Marion Ravenwood: Yeah, what's that?
Indiana Jones: They weren't you, honey.

2. The Dark Knight
[last lines]
Lt. James Gordon: People will lose hope
Batman: They won’t. They must never know what he did.
Lt. James Gordon: Five dead, two of them cops. You can’t sweep that over
Batman: But the Joker cannot win. Gotham needs its true hero.
Lt. James Gordon: No
Batman: You either die a hero, or you live long enough to see yourself become the villain. I can do those things, because I’m not a hero, not like Dent. I killed those people. That’s what I can be. Lt. James Gordon: No, no, you can’t. Your not!
Batman: I’m whatever Gotham needs me to be. Call it in.
Lt. James Gordon: (At Dent’s funeral) A hero, not the hero we deserved but the hero we needed. Nothing less than a Knight…shining.
Lt. James Gordon: (to Batman) They'll hunt you.
Batman: You'll hunt me. You'll condemn me. Set the dogs on me. Because that's what needs to happen. Because sometimes, truth isn’t good enough. Sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.
Lt. James Gordon’s Son: Batman! Batman. Why is he running dad?
Lt. James Gordon: Because we have to chase him.
Lt. James Gordon’s Son:He didn’t do anything wrong.
Lt. James Gordon: Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll hunt him, because he can take it. Because he's not our hero. He's a silent guardian, a watchful protector. A dark knight.



1. The Dark Knight
Batman: You wanted me. Here I am.
The Joker: I wanted to see what you’d do, and you didn’t disappoint. You let five people die. Then…you let Dent take your place. Even to a guy like me, that’s cold.
Batman: Where’s Dent?
The Joker: Those mob fools want you gone so they can get back to the way things were. But I know the truth: there's no going back. You've changed things... forever.
Batman: Then why do you want to kill me?
The Joker: [laughs] I don't want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No, no, NO! No. You... you... complete me.
Batman: You're garbage who kills for money.
The Joker: Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me! They need you right now, but when they don't, they'll cast you out, like a leper! You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve. Batman: Where is Dent?
The Joker: You have all these rules and you think they'll save you.
Lt. James Gordon: [Batman slams the Joker against a wall] He's in control.
Batman: I have one rule.
he Joker
: Then that's the rule you'll have to break to know the truth.
Batman: Which is?
The Joker: The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules. And tonight you're gonna break your one rule.
Batman: I'm considering it.
The Joker: No, there's only minutes left, so you're gonna have to play my little game if you want to save one of them. You know for a while there, I thought you really were Dent, the way you threw yourself after her. [Batman slams the Joker against a table] Look at you go. Does Harvey know about you and his little bunny? [Batman slams the Joker into glass, busting it a little]
Batman: Where are they!?
The Joker: Killing is making a choice.
Batman: Where are they!?
The Joker: Choose between one life or the other. Your friend, the district attorney, or his brushing bride to be. [Batman begins to punch the Joker as the Joker begins to laugh] You have nothing…nothing to threaten me with, nothing to do with all your strength. Don’t worry, I’m gonna tell you where they are, both of them. And that’s the point. You’ll have to choose.


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